SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Insider trading expert and husband of the Speaker of the House Paul Pelosi has pleaded guilty to a DUI charge and has been sentenced to live with Nancy Pelosi again after 5 days in prison.
"You recklessly put innocent lives in danger, and I have no choice but to make an example of you," said the judge at the sentencing. "In five days' time, you will fly out to Washington, D.C., and move in with your wife Nancy. May God have mercy on your soul."
Paul Pelosi will be forced to wear an ankle monitor which will prevent him from leaving the premises. At publishing time, his legal team was appealing the sentence.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
