DALLAS, TX—Having racked his brain for years for any possible reason to bring his deluxe, custom-made, light-up lightsaber replica to church to show off during a message, local preacher Paul Weston was finally able to find some kind of justification to use the traditional weapon of the Jedi as a sermon prop Sunday morning, sources confirmed.
“May 4th is Star Wars Day—bingo,” he said as the light bulb went on and he began to prepare his sermon.
Video of the message shows the pastor hurriedly reading some text and zipping through his sermon points in quick succession to get to the lightsaber illustration, at which point he pulled the weapon out and spent the rest of his allotted time showing off the deluxe toy and shoehorning the illustration into the text.
“I stretched the text pretty thin, but I was finally able to wield my totally awesome lightsaber during a message, in honor of Star Wars Day,” Weston told reporters. “It’s an elegant weapon from a more civilized age, after all. May the fourth be with you!”
Weston then broke off into a perfect word-for-word recitation of the dialogue featured in Luke’s climactic battle against Darth Vader and the Emperor, according to reporters.
When asked what text he had preached on, neither Weston nor his congregation could recall.
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