CLEVELAND, OH — According to sources, local parents Josh and Madelyn Bledge are sitting on their back porch relishing the crisp fall air and looking on lovingly as their kids frolic in a pile of autumn leaves and dog poop.
"Maddie, dear, this is what life is all about," said Josh as their youngest daughter crawled out from the pile of leaves with fecal matter smooshed in her hair. "They're so happy; I just wish I could stop time."
"Mommy, mommy, look what I can do," yelled their oldest boy as he attempted to run and jump into the leaf pile but slipped on a massive dookie hiding under a maple leaf and toppled into the golden brown mass of foliage and crap.
"Kids, time to go inside now," said Madelyn as she attached the sprayer to the garden hose and opened the faucet full blast. Within minutes, the smiling children marched, dripping and cold, into the house, their clothes mostly clear of dung.
At publishing time, an early snow had allowed the Bledge family to build the season's first snow/poop man.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.