U.S.—As America eagerly awaits Friday’s theatrical release of Frozen 2, the much-anticipated sequel to Disney’s hit animated film Frozen, parents across the nation have been seen buying up earplugs in large quantities.
The cartoon musical is following its predecessor with more show-stopping dramatic anthems like “Let It Go,” prompting moms and dads to stock up on ear protection as their kids are sure to incessantly belt the songs at the top of their lungs in cars and homes.
Moms and dads alike rushed stores like Walmart, Target, Home Depot, and even gun and ammo stores desperately trying to get something to stem the tide of incredibly annoying and yet somehow extremely catchy songs from making their way into their ear canals. Massive brawls broke out all across the country as parents fought over the last pair of noise-reducing earmuffs or sound-muffling earplugs at various stores.
"I SAW THEM FIRST!" one man bellowed as another father snaked the last pack of orange earplugs. "LET IT GO!" he cried as he put the man in a chokehold.
“I had some custom earplugs made for my dogs, too,” one woman told sources. “They howl like crazy when they hear Idina Menzel screeching those high notes.”
At publishing time, several fathers admitted to downloading and listening to the Frozen 2 soundtrack, claiming they were just acclimating their ears to the impending onslaught.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.