CHICAGO — A 34-year-old male identified as Damien Trevor, an out-of-state attendee at the Democratic National Convention, had his hopes dashed Wednesday when he thought he was waiting in line for a delicious burrito from a food truck but accidentally got a vasectomy instead.
"I thought it was weird when they asked me to get on the truck and take off my pants, but I thought, 'eh, this must be a great burrito,'" he recounted.
According to sources, it was not worth it.
"I just wanted a burrito!! No!!!" Damien Trevor reportedly cried after being snipped. "Why does this keep happening to me? This is worse than that time I accidentally got an abortion! Who puts a mobile vasectomy center next to a food truck anyway?"
Witnesses were reportedly empathetic to the plight of Damien Trevor but questioned his intelligence since there was no food signage on the truck. "There was even a sign that said, 'Free Vasectomies Here!' in large letters," said local bystander Joseph Wails as he was getting snipped for free.
"I just thought a vasectomy was some sort of hot sauce," Trevor admitted. "I mean, sure, I thought it was weird when they had me sign a waiver, but I just thought it was gonna be really really hot."
At publishing time, Damien Trevor was at least thankful he wouldn't be contributing to global warming by having any children.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
