HOUSTON, TX — What began as a pleasant seminar at Lakewood Church devolved into an awkward situation today, as Senior Pastor Joel Osteen was stumped by one attendee who asked him to name three books from the Bible.
"Ah, boy…oh, gosh," Osteen said nervously in response to the question. "Well, there are so many great ones to choose from. You've got your…uh…your early books, the ones at the beginning. Those are good. And also the ones toward the back of the Bible, those are great, too. And let's not forget the ones that are…you know…in the middle there somewhere. So good."
The room grew quiet as onlookers waited for Osteen to provide a clearer answer. "Yeah, they're all good," said seminar attendee, Greg Barnes, who asked the original question. "Can you be more specific? Which three books of the Bible are your favorites?"
"My favorites?" Osteen said, smiling. "Well, that's a tough question. I'm a pastor, you know. That's like asking a parent to name a favorite child, isn't it?"
"Just name three books," Barnes said.
"Alright, alright," Osteen said. "How about…uhm…maybe, 1 Moses? That's one, right? Or, like, wait…who was one of those other guys? Or maybe the Gospel of...what was one of their names...Bartholomew or whatever. Or, hey, the book of Elijah? He has one named after him, doesn't he? Oh, gosh. But my favorite? That's got to be…it's, ah…the book of...Financial Blessing. Say, what's that over there?"
At publishing time, witnesses reported seeing a blur they believed to be Osteen as he sprinted full-speed out of the building through the emergency exit.
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