MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA — In the wake of the arrival of scores of migrants on the island, Barack & Michelle Obama gave orders to their staff to immediately begin construction of new cages to house the influx of foreign nationals at their luxurious Matha's Vineyard estate.
"It's a tried and true method that we've had success with in the past," President Obama was overheard telling the construction crew. "We want to make these incoming migrants feel just as welcome as the hundreds of thousands of migrants crossing the southern border, which means they will be kept in cages built by me, obviously."
Though the wealthy Martha's Vineyard population seemed troubled to suddenly have to deal with the type of problems normally reserved for the common folk of the United States, the Obamas welcomed the opportunity to have more cheap labor around their palatial grounds. "It's so hard to find good help these days," Michelle Obama sighed during her morning inspection of the landscaping. "Having a regular influx of house servants may actually work in our favor."
Some of the Obama staff privately expressed security concerns about the incoming migrants, but the former president put them at ease by reminding them that he can order a deadly drone strike at any moment.
At publishing time, other Martha's Vineyard residents who heard about the construction of the cages were already raising questions about potential human rights violations and preemptively placing the blame for the cages squarely on the shoulders of Donald Trump.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
