MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA - A teary-eyed Obama reported he was horrified that Trump has taken the first step toward peace in the Middle East with an agreement between Israel and the UAE.
Obama condemned Trump for doing the un-presidential work of actually trying to broker peace in foreign countries rather than just exploding them.
"My drone strikes -- all for nothing!" he cried as he read the news on his iPhone. "This is horrible!"
The former president addressed the nation in a video message recorded in his seaside mansion, slamming Trump for his willingness to suddenly overturn years of presidential precedent.
"Look, all those slaughtered civilians, bombed-out hospitals, ruined cities -- you didn't do that," he said, tears streaming from his face. "That was all me. It's really sad to see what America has become. We're not the warmongering nation we once were, and you've got Trump to thank for that."
He shook his head and wiped his eyes, glancing up at the Nobel Peace Prize on his shelf. "If you'd only listen to me and blow more people up, Drumpf -- you too would get one of those bad boys."