EDGARTOWN, MA — With the news that the U.S. military had carried out a successful bombing operation in Iran over the weekend, former President Barack Obama was reportedly distraught that President Donald Trump had bombed the cool nuke factory he had paid for.
After several days of speculation, Trump revealed that the U.S. had carried out air strikes to destroy several of Iran's key nuclear research sites, leaving Obama despondent that the facilities he had fronted the Iranians billions of dollars to build were now gone.
"All those years of money and hard work just blown to bits," Obama was overheard saying after hearing the news of the bombings. "It took a long time to build up those cool nuke factories with the huge pallets of stacked cash we gave them. I had high hopes for that nuclear program, but now Trump has undone all of my efforts. Welp, I guess we'll head back to the drawing board to help evil governments around the globe move closer to their horrifying goals. Somebody get me Soros on the line."
A staff member at Obama's palatial Martha's Vineyard estate confirmed that the former president was saddened by Iran's failure to carry out mass death and destruction. "He canceled his scheduled appointment at the bathhouse because he wasn't in the mood," the source said. "And when it was time for dinner last night, he wouldn't even touch his adrenochrome cocktail. I haven't seen him this disappointed since Kamala was chosen to take Biden's place."
At publishing time, Obama was reportedly looking to lift his spirits by killing off a member of his household staff during a paddleboarding trip.
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