MEDINA, WA - Only a few days after Elon Musk purchased a 9.2% stake in Twitter, Bill Gates announced that he too will invest in social media with a 9.2% share of MySpace.
"In addition to Elon, I am also quite the avid investor in social media platforms," said Gates to reporters. "This is why I have decided to purchase a large ownership stake in www.myspace.com. It is a really powerful website where you can listen to music and have friends. Neat!"
Gates confirmed he will be making some much-needed changes to the site - adding helpful information on the latest vaccines and boosters, a "Clippy" virtual assistant, and handy information on the benefits of subdermal microchip technology. In addition, All future copies of Windows will come with a MySpace app permanently and irrevocably included. Sources also confirmed the app will require updates every 3 minutes around the clock.
"I'm very excited to show you what MySpace will have to offer in the coming years," said Gates. "And you should probably get used to using it now as it will be the only website allowed on the internet in my New World Order."
At the time of publication, Jeff Bezos confirmed he's jumping into the fray with a 9.2% stake in Google+.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: