SAN FRANCISCO, CA - With Elon Musk becoming Twitter's largest stakeholder and a new member of the board of directors, many within the company are worried he may turn their free speech platform into a platform that actually allows free speech.
"This could destroy us," said Yinny Xendapoo, Twitter's director of content moderation. "When we say we're a free speech platform, we never intended to actually allow free speech! If we allowed free speech, people might say things we don't like and that's NOT ok."
Others are concerned that Musk's influence may cause the social network to allow unfettered social networking, and millions of people to use the platform to platform themselves even though they are yucky and have weird opinions that shouldn't be platformed.
"This is not what our free speech social network was meant to do," said an angry Xendapoo.
Several within the company are calling for Musk's immediate removal, and have threatened to resign and start their own group text message on their phones where conservative opinions will not be allowed.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: