SAN FRANCISCO, CA — New reports indicated that local homeless man John Brill politely yet firmly refused a passerby's offer of free leftover marshmallow jello salad earlier today, despite having not eaten in several days.
According to the individual who attempted to give away the Thanksgiving side dish, Brill's eyes, which had initially lit up at the prospect of finally filling his stomach, were quickly filled with disdain after he saw the colorful marshmallow jello salad.
"No, thanks," Brill said, sadly, returning the container to his would-be Good Samaritan. "I'll just take my chances scrounging up something else, I think. Thanks a lot for offering, though. But no. No way."
Witnesses said Brill's hands were trembling from hunger as he pushed away the vaguely green goo that had been offered to him for free.
"I mean, it looks really good and all, but I'm sure there are other people who are hungrier than I am who could really use this," he said. "It's very kind of you to offer, but, quite frankly, I'd rather die."
At publishing time, the man trying to give away his leftover marshmallow jello salad had found no takers and went home hoping he could toss it over the fence to his neighbor's dog.
Heartwarming!
