OXFORD — One of the most well-known stories from the biblical gospels took on a whole new meaning this week, as a team of scholars revealed that they now believe the young rich man went away sad when Jesus told him to sell all his possessions because he had the Nintendo Power Glove.
The discovery was made by a group of theologians who investigated multiple translations of ancient texts, coming to the conclusion that the man sometimes described as the "young ruler" was despondent at the thought of having to sell the Power Glove that had made him the envy of all his friends.
"It was surely a tough pill for him to swallow," said biblical scholar Professor Clifford Martin. "We now believe that this young man had created an impressive aura about himself among his circle of acquaintances, largely because he not only had the NES Max and NES Advantage controllers, but also the Power Glove. All his friends were jealous of this, but now Jesus was telling him to sell it."
Other experts concurred that this was likely the correct interpretation of the text. "We can all see now why he was sad," said theologian Dr. Clayton Rookstool. "We also believe that this rich young man's uncle may have, in fact, worked at Nintendo and could get all the games before they were released ot the public. He had a sweet Nintendo collection and was sad that he would have to sell it all to become Christ's disciple."
At publishing time, the scholars revealed that the rich young man had likely balked at the idea of having to also sell off his Nintendo ROB robot.
Heartwarming!
