Don't look now, but your library may have gone WOKE! That's right, the place you used to feel was safe for your kids to read, learn, and get shushed by old ladies could now be a den of indoctrination.
The Babylon Bee is here to help you look for some of the most common signs your local library is woke:
- You pass seven drag queens on your way to the entrance: Not a good start
- The lady behind the counter has a full beard: And not, like, your great-aunt Thelma's type of beard.
- If your kid is white, they beat him with a paddle and say "Haha get out of here whitey!": Very subtle, but a strong clue it's gone woke.
- The internet blocks harmful, explicit sites like The Daily Wire and The Babylon Bee: You can't be too careful about poisoning young minds.
- They have a monthly "Bring Your Furry Night": For the boomers out there, this doesn't mean bring your dog to the library. Trust us.
- Every hour the library staff gathers to whack a Ron DeSantis pinata and burn him in effigy: Usually a bad sign.
- James And The Giant Peach has been replaced by James And The Irreversible Genital Surgery: Spoiler alert: not a happy ending.
- There is a stripper pole in the story-time section: Pretty concerning.
- There is a strict ban on food, drink, and Kirk Cameron: Oh no!!
If you've witnessed any of the red flags listed above, you had better keep an eye on what your kids are bringing home from the library!
NOT SATIRE: First Amendment threats ignite a national movement at 270 Libraries this Saturday, August 5th.
In December 2022, over 50 libraries denied Kirk Cameron from reading his Christian children's book about love, joy, peace and patience. When conservatives threatened a First Amendment lawsuit, many libraries conceded. In response, Kirk Cameron and publisher, BRAVE Books, ignited a Christian story-hour tour, now a national movement at 270 libraries around the nation.
The "See You At The Library" movement, happening this Saturday, August 5th, unites Americans in a one-day force of simultaneous story hours all around the nation. Sponsored by BRAVE Books, the Christian book company behind the original banned book, this movement features books from BRAVE's Freedom Island Book Club that teaches wholesome, patriotic values for kids.
Join this fight for religious liberty alongside thousands of families united to win back the minds and hearts of America's children. Subscribe to BRAVE's Freedom Island Book Club to get wholesome faith-based books delivered to your doorstep every month. Are you in?
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.