Newsom Win Blamed On Combination Of Voter Fraud And Having More People Vote For Him
Politics · Sep 16, 2021

SACRAMENTO, CA - California Republicans are still reeling from a massive loss in the recall election, with almost 64% voting to keep Governor Gavin Newsom. They blame the loss on a combination of voter fraud - helped by shenanigans with mail-in ballots - and Newsom getting more people to vote to keep him than to remove him.

"There are just so many opportunities for voter fraud with the weeks of mail-in ballots," said Republican Archie Hammond. "And if you combine that with how Newsom got way more votes, we didn't stand a chance."

California GOP operative Heidi Torres agreed. "We're talking an almost unprecedented amount of voter fraud that radically shifted the vote total," she said. "Really, I don't think Newsom should have won with any more than 59%."

The Republicans are trying now to shake off the loss and look to the future. "What we need is a two-pronged approach if we want to win," said Hammond. "We need a national campaign for voting integrity to fight all kinds of voter fraud. And we need to convince more people to vote for us than the other guy. In fact, that second one might even be more important."

Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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