CULVER CITY, CA - Jeopardy! has been having trouble finding a host that everyone in the country agrees with and is worthy enough to ask people trivia questions. To that end, producers in Hollywood, who have a lot of contacts with pagan gods, are borrowing Mjölnir from Asgard.

Potential hosts will be vetted by asking them to attempt to pull the legendary hammer from the Jeopardy! podium. Only those worthy of wielding Mjölnir will be allowed to host the show.

"Only those worthy enough to wield the hammer of Thor may be found worthy enough to host our game show!" boomed one producer. "Come, ye challengers, and see if ye be worthy to wield the great Mjölnir! Only those of a pure heart and worthy character may lift this hammer! To the worthy be the power of Thor!"

The Hollywood producer then attempted to pick up the hammer but was killed with a lightning strike, for he was a Satan-worshiping pedo.

At publishing time, only Kirk Cameron had been able to pick up the hammer.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.