SACRAMENTO, CA — Facing an operational budget shortfall of $10 billion, Governor Gavin Newsom announced today that he would offset expenditures by raising the California state income tax to 110%.
According to government officials, one hundred percent of income generated inside California would now be automatically redirected to state government coffers, and thereafter citizens will be expected to sell belongings or donate plasma to cover the additional ten percent.
"With this new 110% state income tax, I have officially balanced the state budget. You're welcome, California," announced Newsom. "I would like to congratulate a special, brilliant person who came up with this entire plan: me. No one thought it was possible to balance the budget, but I did it anyway. All of the naysayers who told me that I was 'literally spending more than every Californian's entire income combined' — enjoy your helping of humble pie. Today, we proved them all wrong."
Newsom had previously announced a "balanced budget" earlier this year, only to be told that he couldn't actually sell San Diego to Mexico to make up the deficit. "That was a bummer, but we still found a way," said Newsom aide Ashley Spears. "We are going to close the gaping loophole in the tax code that allowed people to keep some of their money. Filing your taxes in California will never have been so easy."
At publishing time, Newsom had unveiled a follow-up proposal that would tax people who had already left California for all the income they might have earned if they had stayed.
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