Newsom Bans Cars To Prevent People From Escaping California
Tech · Sep 26, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

SACRAMENTO, CA - In a move to prevent Californians from fleeing by the millions, Gavin Newsom announced a ban on gasoline automobiles this week.

The law will make it so that Californians can't drive away and escape the state in a matter of hours, forcing them to instead form migrant caravans and make the treacherous trek across the blistering deserts of the Southwest.

"Now, they'll have to cross the desert on foot," Newsom said as he handed down the order. "I'll show them, trying to flee my progressive utopia! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Newsom also redirected the small amount of water left in the state to his personal reservoirs. Poor, disheveled survivors of the hellscape stood beneath his fortress, begging for a drop.

"Do not, my friends, become addicted to water, or it will take hold of you and you will resent its absence!" Newsom shouted after blasting them with water for a few precious moments.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Comments

There are 73 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.