NEW YORK, NY—The New York Times called The Babylon Bee dangerous far-right misinformation but has now retracted that claim and issued a correction after reviewing the data and admitting The Babylon Bee actually has a really high accuracy rate in predicting the future.
"We are sorry we called The Babylon Bee misinformation," the Times wrote on its corrections page. "After further review, it's clear The Babylon Bee is reporting real news just a few days ahead of time. The stories just keep coming true."
The Times said it did a study on Babylon Bee stories and found that while the whole site just has two jokes, over 99.99% of them are actually prophecies that are fulfilled usually within a couple of weeks of posting. Given The Bee's extraordinary track record, the Times was forced to admit that The Babylon Bee is real news, "far more real than anything the Times has ever published."
"We apologize for ever suggesting The Babylon Bee was anything other than real news a week ahead of time."
As part of The New York Times's concessions to the Christian satire site, they were forced to admit in court that The Babylon Bee's writers are more talented and handsome than they are and that CEO Seth Dillon is absolutely ripped and the ideal physical embodiment of a man.