SAN FRANCISO, CA—A group of intersectional trans-vegan fair trade climate activists announced plans to form a new Woke Football League, sources confirmed Thursday.
“The WFL will offer a globally conscious alternative to the National Football League,” a spokesperson told reporters. “Today’s fans are tired of the same old game, with its established rule book and time-honored traditions, which we now know are bad because they were created by a bunch of white men 100 years ago.”
In the new league, teams will travel down the field toward the Woke Zone and score points by kicking the ball through the goalposts. However, the goalposts will constantly move away from the players just as they reach the Zone. “We want to demonstrate that True Wokeness can never be fully achieved,” the WFL spokesperson explained.
Much like in the NFL, a first down is earned by traveling 10 yards, only the WFL player must also send a virtue-signaling tweet supporting the latest woke cause or organization. The opposing team may throw a challenge flag, at which time the supposedly woke organization’s Twitter will be scoured for any non-woke tweets, prompting the first down to be canceled. Coaches will have unlimited challenges.
A team wins by proving they are more woke than their opponent. Games are expected to last an average of 437 hours.
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