New Labour Government Promises To Fix British Teeth By 2025
World · Jul 5, 2024 ·

LONDON — Following the Labour Party's landslide victory under Prime Minister Keir Starmer in Britain's recent elections, the new government has assured the British public that it will make good on its biggest promise yet: fixing British teeth by 2025.

According to a Labour spokesman close to PM Starmer, the newly elected leader plans an ambitious campaign to ensure that every British citizen will have had his or her crooked horse teeth and receding chins rectified by 2025.

"It's gonna be a proper toughie, but we can do it, mate," Starmer stated in the British tongue during his first speech as Prime Minister. "But we can bally well do it. We'll sort out everyone's chompers, by Jove! We'll toughen up those gums, me lads, we'll toughen them up like billyoh! We'll educate our citizenry on oral health until the British pearly whites are the envy of the world and the darling of Europe. And all by 2025, wot-wot? Let's hear three cheers for Labour!"

Starmer's promise has been well-received by the Great British Public and nations around the world. British children are already lining up for blocks to get into dentists' and orthodontists' offices.

At publishing time, French President Macron was desperately trying to get re-elected by promising to fix French body odor by 2025, but was failing as most French people didn't seem to understand why that would be desirable.

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