PAWTUCKET, RI—Hasbro has unveiled a new version of Monopoly targeted at Christian women. The game, titled Ms. Monopoly: Church Edition, will task you with recruiting all the other players into a pyramid scheme.
You go around the board buying starter kits for various MLM organizations. If other players land on a starter kit you already own, they're forced to go to a "party" and then pay into your business as they're helplessly sucked into your downline. Collect a full set of same-colored MLMs, and you'll have a monopoly as your church or neighborhood's main supplier of overpriced oils, handbags, or plastic storage containers.
"We're empowering women to collaborate with each other by exploiting one another in the spirit of fellowship," said Greg Wesley, lead game designer. "This is a powerful feminist statement that shows women can go off and be their own bosses by making everyone at the top of the pyramid very rich."
After a few times around the board, each player will have bought into several MLMs and also be forced to buy stuff from their friends' MLMs, meaning the money in the game will constantly be drained out of the system until finally no one has any money left.
The game is sponsored by official brands like Plexus, Young Living, Mary Kay, and Avon. The game even includes a free coupon for a consultation with a local sales representative from one of these agencies, so you can experience Ms. Monopoly's depiction of pyramid schemes in real life.
When you pass Go, you'll also pay the bank $2,000 for all the products you're forced to buy. By the end of the game, everyone will be broke and the real winner will be the men who launched the deceptive MLM businesses and suckered women into them in the first place.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.