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New Evidence Suggests Mary, Joseph Watched 'Die Hard' On First Christmas Night

BETHLEHEM—New evidence unearthed in the ancient city of Bethlehem confirmed with 99% certainty that Mary and Joseph relaxed after their long journey and intense labor by turning on their favorite Christmas movie, Die Hard.

Archaeologists discovered a small, wall-mounted television set and a VHS copy of the classic Christmas film near the likely site of Jesus' birth.

"Apparently, after their difficult journey and childbirth process, Jesus's parents needed rest," said Dr. Hank Westerton, who has a PhD in Christmas movies. "So they picked out a Christmas classic: Die Hard. It only makes sense. What better way to celebrate the holiday spirit on the very first Christmas than watching John McClane take out a bunch of terrorists?"

"Now if you'll excuse me, a bunch of us are getting together to watch Die Hard," he added.

Historians working with the dig team have denied reports of the discovery of Gremlins at the site.

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