Nevada Church Avoids Coronavirus Restrictions By Installing Slot Machines
Church · Jul 26, 2020 ·

CARSON CITY, NV - Calvary Chapel of the Desert was informed by the state that it was violating the state's strict restrictions on church gatherings. So, Pastor Chuck Carver figured out a clever way around the stringent requirements: he installed slot machines in the church, and now his church is able to do whatever it wants.

"We put up the slot machines and bam -- no more restrictions," Carver said Sunday. "The authorities dispersed, and we pretty much get to do whatever we want. What happens in Calvary Chapel stays in Calvary Chapel."

He then preached a solemn sermon in front of the blinking lights and blaring sirens from the slots. "Yeah, it looks kinda goofy," he said later. "But it's no different than when I have to preach in front of our zany VBS decorations."

"Plus, it's making up for all the lost tithing over the last few months," he added as another senior church member slipped another quarter into one of the machines. "Jackpot!"

Anyone playing the slot machines will, of course, be served complimentary grape juice and crackers.

Babylon Bee subscriber David Deeble contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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