Entertainment
Netflix To Automatically Turn On Subtitles When You Turn 32

HOLLYWOOD, CA— Netflix has implemented a new feature that automatically enables closed-captioning or subtitles when users reach age 32. 

"Happy 32nd birthday! Subtitles have been automatically enabled," reads a prompt when someone who has just turned 32 opens the app.

“Now all your favorite movies and tv shows will have subtitles, hassle-free!” Netflix spokesperson Gary Whitmore said, “Let’s be honest. As people get older they have a harder time hearing. Especially when their kids are screaming or they have the tv turned down so low there is not a chance any child or spouse will be woken from their slumber.”

Netflix will be adding other features to provide adults 32 and older with an improved user experience. One upcoming feature will pause every 20 minutes to ensure the viewer hasn't fallen asleep or had to tend to an insomniac toddler. The new "Wait, what did I miss?" feature will provide a brief summary of the plot in case you missed pivotal scenes while texting your spouse about groceries or trying to hear if that noise you just heard was your child screaming or a distant stray cat in heat. 

At publishing time Netflix said they were considering replacing “Are You Still Watching?” with “Did you pass out from exhaustion?” for older viewers.

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