Life
Neanderthals Having Fun Night Out While Civilized People Hide In Caves

DALLAS, TX—Only hours after Governor Greg Abbott's decision to lift the Texas mask mandate, thousands of Neanderthals descended on downtown Dallas for a fun night of eating, drinking, and dancing. Meanwhile, thousands of civilized, progressive Texans hid in dark caves to protect themselves from coronavirus. 

"Oog like steak! Oog like beer! Oog like loud music at concert!" said Oog, a Neanderthal. "Oog dance and sing with best friends! Oog happy!"

"This is so reckless and irresponsible," said local progressive Florian Von Cinnamon from beneath his 7 masks as he huddled in a damp cave. "Neanderthal thinking will literally kill us all. I'm literally shaking right now-- because I'm cold. How do you make fire again?"

Experts warn that if things continue, the state may be overrun by happy Neanderthals as all the civilized people move back to California.

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