CHICAGO, IL—According to sources, local business analyst Abby Staughton has finally escaped the shackles of the patriarchy to find freedom and worth in an 80-hour work week, working for an overbearing boss.
"This is true happiness," said Staughton as she sat through her fourth meeting of the day discussing first-quarter sales figures for Melcorp Corporation. "My feminist ancestors fought so I could answer to 12 different middle managers in a thankless job before going home to an empty apartment and drinking wine. I have reached the pinnacle of womanhood."
Staughton has said that while she has to deal with unreasonable demands from male co-workers and sometimes even sexual harassment, at least she doesn't have to live a boring life of homemaking with a husband and kids.
"I don't want all that domestic suburban bliss, because that's not feminist," she said aloud as she daydreamed about being barefoot in the kitchen with a rich lumberjack husband.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to redo the cover sheets on these TPS reports before my boss threatens to fire me again."