U.S.—The nation's psychiatric wards are preparing themselves for an influx of deranged liberals, as Robert Mueller's official report into Russian collusion has now been filed with the attorney general.
As it now seems unlikely that the report will provide definitive proof that President Trump colluded with Russia during his 2016 campaign, psych wards and mental health facilities began bracing themselves for a wave of psychotic, disillusioned liberals to be checked in by their friends and family members.
"We haven't really had to get ourselves ready for this many patients since Kavanaugh was confirmed," said a worker at a hospital near Washington, D.C. "That was a crazy time. Of course, Trump's inauguration saw thousands upon thousands of people being checked into our facilities, and we're preparing for this to be the biggest wave of deluded, traumatized liberals yet."
"Batten down the hatches, boys---this is gonna get ugly," he said. "We're gonna need a bigger psych ward."
At publishing time, the crisis was partially postponed as liberals announced they would delay confronting the cold, hard facts of reality until Trump's second term.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.