U.S.—According to sources from all across the country, the nation is still waiting for an apology for the media that pushed a fake news story connecting Donald Trump to Russia for two full years.
While those who supported Donald Trump were understandably a touch upset that they've been called Russian bots and Putin's puppets for years now, they reported they were certain that an apology would be coming shortly from the press that pushed the story every time they got a chance, regardless of the evidence.
"Any second now," one Trump supporter in Texas told reporters. "I'm absolutely confident that the press will own up to their errors and vow to learn from these mistakes. I mean, it's not like they'll just brush this all under the rug, move the goalposts, or somehow spin this into being our fault."
"That would be, like, totally fake news, and I trust that the American press is above that," he added.
Conservatives across the country were refreshing their newsfeeds and flipping through major media channels, awaiting the heartfelt apology from political pundits who dedicated their shows and commentary to the now-debunked Russiagate scandal 24/7.
Sources also confirmed that the nation is still waiting for an apology for the media's complicity in the Iraq War, the smearing of the Covington Catholic students, and the wild conspiracy theories about Brett Kavanaugh.
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