WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to growing concern from the American people about the president's cognitive ability, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi said we must re-elect Joe Biden to find out if he's senile.

While media reports in the wake of Biden's debate performance against Donald Trump have raised red flags regarding his fitness to continue serving as president, Pelosi stressed how imperative it was to vote to keep him in office in order to learn how impaired he is.

"This is why it's so important to re-elect him," Pelosi said in a televised interview. "As concerned as we may be about President Biden's cognitive health, the only reasonable answer is to keep him in office and really find out just how mentally defective he has become. It's the only way."

The uncertainty surrounding Biden's mental fitness has drawn questions from the media and calls from prominent Democrats and campaign donors to have him replaced as the nominee, which Pelosi said would be a serious mistake. "If we fail to re-elect Joe Biden, we will never know just how senile he is," she said emphatically. "A vote for Donald Trump is a vote to make Joe Biden's level of dementia a permanent mystery. What better way to learn how far he has declined mentally than in real-time on the global stage, with the fate of the world at stake?"

At publishing time, Pelosi stressed that re-electing Biden would also be the only way to find out if World War 3 was actually about to happen.

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