SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Bay Area residents were doing double-takes today, as Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi began dressing as a hobo after learning San Francisco was giving free vodka shots to the homeless.
The former Speaker of the House hatched the genius plot to score some free booze after hearing about the city's new initiative to hand out free alcohol to transients around town, leading to her layering on old, dirty clothing and carrying a bindle.
"I'm just a homeless lady looking for some liquid comfort!" Pelosi was heard saying loudly enough for people around her to hear. "I'm a humble hobo, wandering my way through the streets in search of some delicious vodka to whet my whistle and ease the sting of my sorrows. You, sir, will you please direct me to the place where they are handing out free vodka shots?"
Passersby reported seeing the distinctly Pelosi-like hobo shuffle around from street corner to street corner asking if there were other locations throughout the city pouring free alcohol. "She seemed highly motivated," one witness said. "Someone said they thought it might just be an old crazy lady who looked like Nancy Pelosi, but then we saw her meet up with her security guards and get into a limo in the alley over there. I saw her almost fall over from being hammered, so I definitely know it was her."
At publishing time, Pelosi had been overheard passing along info about the city's upcoming "Free Crack Weekend" to another hobo who witnesses said looked suspiciously like Hunter Biden.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
