DEARBORN, MI — After hundreds of Muslim parents attended a school board meeting to protest pornographic material in elementary school libraries, the DOJ and FBI leaped into action to make sure all parents in attendance were added to the No-Fly List.

"Oh come on, it took us 10 years to get off that list," said local father Zahir Al Muhammad. "This is ridiculous, man!"

"As soon as we saw these parents protesting our agenda in elementary schools, we suddenly realized that radical Islam might be a growing threat to the political and ideological stranglehold we have over every American institution," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "They must be stopped! They're dangerous!"

At publishing time, several conservative Christian parents reached out to Al Muhammad to see if he had any tips for getting off the no-fly list.

Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.