SAN DIEGO, CA—In a stunning revelation, multi-campus pastor Bo Peterson of Rocklife Church was discovered to be nothing more than an advanced hologram.
The shocking truth was revealed after a passionate worshiper attempted to run up onstage to touch the celebrity pastor’s garment Sunday at Rocklife’s main campus, but instead slammed into the transparent foil sheeting on which his three-dimensional CGI form was projected each Sunday.
Ushers had scrambled to prevent her from getting to the digitally fabricated pastor, but they were just too late.
“No wonder I could never get a lunch meeting with him,” one parishioner told reporters. “And his hair was definitely just a little too perfect every Sunday.”
Church technicians admitted they had fabricated Peterson using advanced computer-generated imagery and state-of-the-art holopgraphic projection technology, incorporating personality and mannerisms of the most revered celebrity pastors to make sure the new CGI pastor was virtually flawless.
The church has imploded as a result of the revelation. But according to the church’s Pastor of Business Development, the digitally created Peterson is going to lay low for six months and reemerge in another city with an all-new church plant, “and maybe a new haircut.”
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.