NEPHI, UT — Expecting their thirteenth child, Naethainiel and Ruthannaleeeley Shumway resumed the centuries-old Mormon tradition of picking possible baby names by scooping a handful of random letters out of a can of Alphabet SpaghettiOs™.
"Looks like it's Corvinleigh!" said Ruthanaleeeley (friends simply call her Ruthanaleee) before asking Naethainiel if they were having a boy or girl, as she'd forgotten. "Either way, I feel like little Corvinleigh has been waiting patiently in premortal life for his or her chance to come be with us."
Her husband then stood to gather the children, "Bronsabelle, Drabinidi, Aleecabrie, Maeciegrae, Boazathor, Troylynn, Marishacaba, Ammonihabracadabra, Mayleetaylee, Himnomner, Lakynndrey, and King Benjamin, come down to the oversize kitchen table to see what your baby...sibling will be named!"
The family gathered together in pure joy and excitement at the prospect of having another precious, beautiful child of God to bless their home just before the kitchen floor gave out and they all crashed into the basement.
Thankfully, the rows of bunk beds broke their fall.
At publishing time, the family had clarified this was their fourteenth child, as they had forgotten about Crrayysenn serving in the Paraguay Asunción North mission.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
