KANSAS CITY, KS — Local man Brian Flavius is undergoing a terrifying gender identity crisis after he suddenly realized he hadn't thought about the Roman Empire in over one week, according to sources.
"Oh no... what does this mean? Am I trans?" said the troubled man to himself. "It's been at least 10 days since I thought about the rise and fall of the great republic, or the Samnite Wars, or the construction of the magnificent Trajan's Bridge, or the power and discipline of the Roman Centurion, or the stoic wisdom of Marcus Aurelius, or the unbreakable strength of the Roman phalanx, or the empire's collapse into decadence and tyranny and the overextension of the empire and the invasion of the Barbarians from the north... Oh no! WHO AM I?"
The man, in spite of repeated reassurances from his wife, is still reportedly questioning his gender, since it is well known that all real males think about the Roman Empire at least several times per week if not every day. "I must be a woman. There's no other explanation," Flavius said to himself sadly.
Sources say the man later reassured himself that his masculine credentials were still intact after remembering he had thought of the Old West several times that week.
At publishing time, his wife had begun to think she too was trans after realizing it had been over a week since she thought about that one annoying conversation she had with her mother-in-law 12 years ago.
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