PROVO, UT — A local member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Brigham Smith, reportedly faked his own death in hopes of getting someone to bring him a pan of delicious Mormon Funeral Potatoes.
"If this is what I have to do, so be it," Smith commented while staging an elaborate scheme to fake his demise. "That cheesy, crispy potato casserole is the best, and I'll do whatever it takes to get some. Alright, here comes a car, I'm just gonna throw this dummy that looks like me out in front of it and BAM — I'll be in Funeral Potato Heaven by the end of the week."
Smith's wife, Melissa, said she told him many times she'd be happy to just make him a pan of Funeral Potatoes herself. "It's just frozen hash browns, sour cream, diced onions, a lot of cheese, and corn flakes on top," Melissa said. "I can make some up in an hour, but there he goes trying to fake his own death again. This is the third time this month."
Brigham Smith told reporters he had attended the funeral of an elderly member of his LDS ward a few months ago and had been craving funeral potatoes every day since.
"It has been fun watching the responses people have had to my supposed deaths," he said. "I'm really learning who my real friends are. Now, I just sit back and wait for those potatoes."
At publishing time, Brigham Smith was said to be in critical condition after actually being struck by a passing car. According to sources, his family was at home enjoying several pans of Funeral Potatoes that were preemptively delivered by friends.
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