WASHINGTON, D.C.—After yesterday's solemn impeachment procession across the Capitol Rotunda, a procession that was accompanied by 37 elephants, 42 jugglers, three fire sword-swallowers, and one tiny clown car, Mitch McConnell took possession of the articles of impeachment.
McConnell promised to take good care of the impeachment articles, solemnly vowing to place them in a very special rectangular filing bin reserved for impeachment proceedings.
"Madam Speaker, I assure you, we will treat these with all the respect and care they deserve," McConnell said. "We will put them right here along with all the bills the House sends over. We always carefully consider the wacky legislation you send, putting it in this holy, revered shrine as we think about what to do with such fine legislative proposals."
Pelosi breathed a sigh of relief, recognizing the filing bin as the same type she uses to store the Constitution.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.