ANAHEIM, CA—The MLB is looking into allegations that the Los Angeles Angels, then the California Angels, cheated by calling for divine assistance to win the pennant in the mid-1990s.
Eyewitnesses claim that a young boy who looked kinda like Joseph Gordon-Levitt would signal for angels to come down from heaven to help the Angels win ball games. There's even grainy VHS footage that seems to show angelic beings giving the Angels's pitches a boost, helping outfielders to catch flyballs, and giving backrubs to players in the dugout.
"These are very troubling accusations, and we are taking them very seriously," said MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. "Major League Baseball is a divine assistance-free league. We want a good clean game, with no prayers or higher powers meddling in things." He added, though, that the Seattle Mariners are allowed to pray because it's "really their only chance."
As part of the scandal, the Angels may be forced to forfeit their pennant and trade bullpens with the Baltimore Orioles.
The punishment would be more severe, but it seems they haven't been using divine assistance in recent years, as evidenced by their five-year playoff drought.