U.S. — Singer-songwriter Pink took to Twitter following the landmark Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade, telling all pro-life fans to stop listening to her music. Millions have since joined the pro-life cause to avoid what they call "Pink's terrible music."
"This was an easy choice – it's like when I found out I could avoid Neil Young's horrible warbling by becoming a Joe Rogan fan." Local woman Emily Winnow told reporters that her long hesitations about becoming pro-life melted away when she realized she would never have to listen to what she called "obnoxious, shrill songs" like "Just Give Me A Reason" or "Get the Party Started" again. "Man, I love being pro-life!" she said.
Since Pink's announcement, the ranks of the Pro-Life movement have swelled by an estimated 5 million, with a vast portion of the new pro-lifers confirming that they viewed the ideological shift as an opportunity to escape "preachy feminist pop worse than Ke$ha, Katy Perry, and Taylor Swift combined."
Unfortunately, several million people switched back to being pro-choice after realizing pro-lifers listen to Hillsong.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
