EAGLE PASS, TX — National guardsmen tasked with protecting the southern U.S. border received some much-needed reinforcement today as Mike Lindell arrived in Texas to build a MyPillow border wall.
The pillow mogul, left with millions of units in unsold inventory due to being boycotted by mainstream retail outlets, vowed to put his pillows to good use by constructing an impenetrable but luxuriously soft barrier to prevent illegal migrants from entering the country.
"The most comfortable border wall you'll ever have or your money back!" Lindell was heard shouting as he ordered construction crews to begin assembling a massive column of foam chunk-filled pillows. "The deep state and their corporate allies thought they could put me out of business by refusing to sell my product? The joke's on them! Years of pillow fort development will now result in a wall along the southern border that cannot be breached. It's the Kraken of border barriers. And, best of all, the entire border wall is machine washable and made in the USA."
Experts believed this latest development would only serve to intensify the already strained standoff between the state of Texas and the Federal Government. "This is a clear escalation of the conflict," said one White House insider. "Things were already tense between the administration and Texas, but involving a known threat to democracy like Mike Lindell will only bring us closer to open hostilities."
At publishing time, sources at the border reported seeing thousands of migrants lying fast asleep up against the Mexico side of the My Pillow border wall, likely getting the best sleep of their lives.
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.