AGUA PRIETA - According to sources on the U.S./Mexico border, scores of young children are attempting to cross into the U.S. and fulfill their lifelong dream of enjoying American pastimes like reading Dr. Seuss books, watching Pepe Le Pew cartoons, and eating Aunt Jemima pancakes.

"I'm so excited!" said 8-year-old migrant Juan in broken English as he approached the border. "All my life I have dreamed of eating hot, fluffy Aunt Jemima pancakes, or sitting down to read my favorite Dr. Seuss book Oh, The Places You'll Go!"

Juan also told reporters he has always been a die-hard fan of the American football team the Washington Redskins, and can't wait to see his favorite team play in person. "I love watching them play!" he said. "Almost as much as I love watching the Cleveland Indians play baseball!"

Unfortunately, President Biden detained poor Juan at the border and told him to "go back home." 

"I'm not giving up!" said Juan to reporters. "If I keep trying, I hope I will make it into America in time to watch the next season of The Mandalorian starring my favorite actress, Gina Carano!"