NEW YORK, NY — Witnesses claim to have seen New York City Mayor Eric Adams quietly blacking out the words of the Statue of Liberty's famous inscription with a permanent marker.
"Give us your poor? Not today, lady!" the mayor reportedly muttered under his breath.
According to witnesses, the mayor arrived on Liberty Island alone and headed straight for the Statue of Liberty's pedestal without fanfare. Once inside, he began his desperate attempt to erase the immortal words with a Sharpie.
Mayor Adams has expressly denied vandalizing the iconic bronze plaque, suggesting that Texas is somehow to blame.
The defaced words of the inscription are from a poem called The New Colossus, written by Emma Lazarus in 1883. Its most famous line reads:
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
However, following the vandalism, the only legible word is "refuse." Experts suggest the lone legible word may be a window into Mayor Adams' state of mind at the time.
At publishing time, a new bronze plaque bearing a quote from Mayor Eric Adams himself was installed. The new inscription reads, "This issue will destroy New York City."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
