NASHVILLE, TN — Matt Walsh vehemently denied allegations of smiling earlier this week after several Daily Wire whistleblowers came forward.
According to sources, Walsh was caught in the act of wearing a happy, care-free smirk on his face over three times between July and November of last year.
Walsh insists the allegations are false.
"Smiling is for stupid, ignorant children," said Walsh in a statement. "As you can see by looking at me, I am not a stupid, immature child, nor am I a fool. I have never smiled once in my life and I never plan to. I am outraged by the ludicrous suggestion that I would do this."
An anonymous source claims to have witnessed Matt Walsh smiling with his own eyes. "He was talking to his wife on the phone and thought nobody was looking," said the whistleblower. "At one point in the conversation, the corner of his mouth very subtly turned upward as if he was happy and maybe even slightly content. I know it's hard to believe, but I'm telling the truth."
Neither Matt Walsh nor the Daily Wire have issued any official statement on the issue. Walsh's name is still listed on the Daily Wire website, presumably until the allegations are verified.
At publishing time, Ben Shapiro had been forced to deny allegations of speaking at a rate of fewer than 342 words per minute.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
