CHARLESTON, SC — Local man Jason Riggs yelled at the top of his lungs while doing bench press to helpfully alert everyone present at the gym that he was lifting a heavy object.
"Git-git-git-mmm-RRR--AAAAAA!!!!" shouted Riggs, cluing nearby strangers into the fact that he was lifting a heavy object. Riggs' shaking arms let the bar crash back into place as he let out a, "WOOO!! YEAH, BABY!" to notify anyone who had missed his previous screams.
According to sources, Riggs had spent the previous two minutes pumping himself up for the effort by listening to speed metal and shadowboxing around the bench press. He then carefully double and triple-checked that all 125 pounds of weights, added in ten- and five-pound increments, were securely fastened to the bar. Then, Riggs began taking rapid breaths to oxygenate his muscles in preparation for the incredible strain he was about to endure.
That was when the screaming began, as reported by fellow gym-goer Leslie Dawson. "I was on the other side of the gym doing the elliptical," said Dawson. "I had no idea someone was lifting something heavy over there by the weights. Then, a man began screaming like he was getting a bone marrow biopsy. That's pretty much the story."
At publishing time, Riggs had opened his water bottle and dumped it over himself to alert anyone nearby that he had worked up a sweat.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
