HEMET, CA — Local man Jimmy Blanco spent the past six months painstakingly going over player stats, injury reports, and strategy articles as he prepped for his fantasy draft that occurred the last week of August. He showed up to the draft primed and ready, with a bound folder of printouts detailing up-to-the-minute projections for over 300 players in the league. Sources claim Blanco also participated in dozens of mock drafts in preparation for "the real thing." When his turn to pick came each round, Blanco took his full two minutes to mull over each potential pick's value over replacement stat and the current makeup of his team. Finally, he was ready to go, with a team of 16 elite players unrivaled by anyone else in his league. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna crush it this year," he told his buddies. "You guys don't stand a chance!"
Blanco just lost his first matchup in a 173-29 point blowout and has been eliminated from playoff contention.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
