Darth Vader Jailed On Excessive Use Of The Force
Entertainment · Sep 13, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

CORUSCANT — After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.

A video went viral showing Vader raising his hand and Force-choking a suspect before violently flinging him into a wall. The suspect was subdued, but Vader showed no mercy, Force-pushing metal beams and other crates toward the victim, who had been accused of being a Jedi and resisting arrest under Order 66.

"The brutality of the galactic police force is on full display in this video here," said one activist appearing on Face the Empire, a popular weekly show on the Galaxy News Network. "At this point, it's not just a few bad apples in the Empire. The problem is clearly systemic."

This isn't Vader's first incident, as a workplace violence report had been filed while he was stationed on the Death Star, claiming he had used excessive Force against prisoners, enemy combatants, and even coworkers, seemingly at the slightest provocation.

"Yeah, you just say one little minor quip about his religion, and he gets really aggressive," said one officer who worked with Vader. "I knew something wasn't right with that guy once I saw him murder an officer for one small error. Well, that and his black suit and creepy breathing thing." The officer shuddered.

"Anyway, yeah, he creates a really toxic workplace."

Vader is being held on a 1,000,000-credit bail pending trial.


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