HOUSTON, TX - On a business trip to Houston this past weekend, local agnostic man Brett Cole visited Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church, curious about how the Christian message might be able to make him happier and more successful.

Friends and family members were worried that he might have been exposed to the gospel. The Coles have never been a religious family, and having to deal with a Christian in their midst isn't something they wanted to have to face day in and day out. 

But they all breathed a sigh of relief as Cole marked himself safe from hearing the gospel.

"Don't worry guys, I'm alright!" he wrote in the comments to his post marking himself safe from hearing a call to repentance and the offer of Jesus Christ in the gospel. "Some other churches in the area were hit pretty hard with the gospel, but we were OK. Seems to have blown right by us for the whole service, so no need to fret."

Cole assured his friends and family that his lifestyle, values, priorities, and worldview weren't affected in the slightest. His sinful nature wasn't knocked over or even threatened at all.

"Joel encouraged me to just keep doing what I'm doing, maybe think a few more positive thoughts, and become a huge success in the eyes of the world," he said. "My world wasn't turned upside-down by the life-changing message of Jesus Christ. Because, you know, it was more of a motivational speech."