ATLANTA, GA—After getting into yet another argument on Facebook Monday morning, local believer Hank Richert found himself blocked by several of his friends and family members, but the 32-year-old Christian was still unable to figure out if this new wave of persecution was because of his firm faith in Jesus, or because of the fact that he’s a “total jerkwad,” sources confirmed.
“I want to say it’s because I believe in Jesus, but I’m also super obnoxious, I guess,” Richert told reporters. “It could be for either reason, and I’m just not entirely sure which.”
“I did call Aunt Staci a ‘libtard’ and suggest she should go kill herself, so I suppose I’d lean toward the fact that I’m a massive tool, but it could also be the cross overlay on my profile picture,” Richert wondered aloud. “I’m stumped. It’s a total toss-up, in my opinion.”
This isn’t the first time the totally obnoxious follower of Jesus has found himself in this situation. According to Richert, he’s constantly suffering persecution and exclusion in the workplace, among his family members, and even at church—and he’s never entirely certain if it’s his reprehensible personality or his love for Jesus is the cause.
“I’m always getting asked to leave restaurants and grocery stores for loudly arguing with people. I guess it’s just my cross to bear in a culture that’s diametrically opposed to the teachings of Jesus,” he said.