LOS ANGELES, CA—Local man Henry Truckman was filling up his gas tank today in preparation for the holiday weekend. The 19-gallon tank in his 2016 Camaro cost nearly $95 to fill up, and he was feeling pretty down about how expensive gas is under the Biden administration—that is, until he pulled up Twitter and saw that a slice of cheese would cost him 16 cents less this year, thanks to Uncle Joe.
"Wow -- a whole 16 cents! Thanks, Biden!" he said, his mood having instantly shifted to one of joy and optimism. "This will change everything! I'd better drive home and tell the wife!" He happily drove toward his house, spending over $5 in gas to drive the 20 miles home.
Americans everywhere are pumped for the full 16 cents they will be saving on barbecues this year, as long as they don't have to drive anywhere to pick up their groceries, since the gas costs would offset any savings on onions, mustard, and relish. But, according to the White House, as long as the nation is willing to walk to the grocery store, keep their air conditioning off, and not buy any chips or soda, they'll have a full 16 cents to burn.
"And you can take that to the bank!" said President Biden happily. "16 cents will buy a lot. You can go get a sody pop down at the hop, pick up 16 candies, or even go see one of those new talkies!"