BUENA PARK, CA — As 2023 wound to a close, local man Luis Garcia decided to escape from the terrifying state of living in today's America by enjoying a nice, relaxing game of Fallout 3 on his gaming computer.

"I just want to immerse myself in a better world," said Garcia as he munched on Takis and pounded a Mountain Dew, clicking frantically to fire on a band of raiders attacking his vault dweller wandering the post-apocalyptic landscape of Washington, D.C. "With everything that's going on in this country and around the world in 2023, I'd much rather spend my time hanging out in this hellscape." He gestured toward his computer screen. "It's better than hanging out in this hellscape." He gestured toward the real world and shuddered.

"I don't have to worry about inflation, wokeness, or the latest government attempt to erode our rights away," Thompson explained while having his character pop some Rad-X. "Sure, the radiation levels are through the roof, but at least there's no Biden presidency here."

According to sources, Garcia says that instead of stressing out about the cost of living crisis, the looming threat of World War III, and who will win the presidency in 2024, he prefers the much more pleasant experience of fighting for his life against raiders, radiation storms, and man-eating Super Mutants.

"While others are addicted to the latest gossip of who Taylor Swift is dating today, I'd rather be addicted to Chems as I navigate a ghoul-infested, irradiated, heavily booby-trapped sewer system," added Garcia. "I'll take my chances with Deathclaws over Swifties any day."

At publishing time, it was announced that the U.S. currency system had collapsed entirely, resulting in a world where everyone would be forced to barter and trade for goods and services using bottlecaps. Garcia just shrugged and shouted for his wife to bring more Takis.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.